I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
