She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
