that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
