My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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