im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
