There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
