Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize