Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
