Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
