apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
