I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
