help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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