this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
