I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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