I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
