saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then my night got REAL pukey
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
