Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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