I should be sponsored by Trojan
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
