She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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