in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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