Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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