Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
