I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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