i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
