I wish I could teleport
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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