Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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