i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
