i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
