you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
