My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
