You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
