Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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