why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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