the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i came on her dog
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
