She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
