so explain again why im purple
no
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
