I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
