I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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