Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
