Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
