My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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