She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
