Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
