Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
