the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
