never play flip cup with pint glasses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
