I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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