I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
