I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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