Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
