Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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