I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
