if i can run in heels then i can drive
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
