I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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