god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
