Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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