Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
