What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
