dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
