From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
