Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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