My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
