if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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