Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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