His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
