you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
