peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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