just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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