If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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