I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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