Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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