$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
