mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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