Say something about gay babies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
