I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
