So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
