Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
