So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
