He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
