My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
