Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
