I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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