Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
