You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
