Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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